"What is the first killer of marriage?" A judge revealed the cruel truth about divorce...

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"What is the first killer of marriage?" A judge revealed the cruel truth about divorce...

2019-01-13 09:03:13 280 ℃

There is a judge in the People's Court at the grass-roots level who specializes in divorce cases.

He has to handle more than 200 divorce cases a year

in 705 divorce cases, witnessing countless couples'face-tearing and desperate love when they divorce;

He narrates his understanding of the common problems in marriage, hoping that couples can better manage their marriage.

His reflection on marriage is well-founded and worth referencing. Here we share it with you.

< p> < p > < p > < br > < p > < p > < p > < strong > Don't treat your home as a garbage dump

< p > Many parties are polite and polite when they sit in court and talk to the judge.

But the reason why the other party proposed divorce was that when he entered the house, he was like a change of person, and when he was slightly unsatisfied, his mouth was full of dirty words, even unprovoked dirty words.

or he is very good to others, but in a couple of partners, ugly words blurt out and are unreasonable at all;

turn up when you turn your face, even insult your partner's mother, friends, and throw things... Not even the most basic respect.

asked why, the answer is: I am not satisfied with my work, dare not quarrel with the leader, can only go home to TA angry ah;

I suffered grievances in front of outsiders, can only go home to TA scatter anger ah... The characteristics of these people are that they can restrain their emotions, show courtesy and greet each other with a smile;

can treat them as garbage cans to vent negative emotions as soon as they come home to the closest people;

because they are the closest people, they should be unconditionally tolerant and tolerant, so they should live with anger.

Excuse me: What is this about home?

Chooses to leave the best mood to outsiders, but to vent the most "dirty" mood at home;

This is to use the toilet at home? Landfill?

Since we use our home as a garbage dump, who can be willing to live in the garbage dump and enjoy it? Would you like to

even if it's yourself?

Even the closest person, if he vents dirty emotions to TA, he vents to TA for no reason, and TA is not obliged to bear these.

If you are in a bad mood, angry, irritable, please try to control your mood and tell your partner directly

"I am in a bad mood, super irritable, because... uuuuuuuuuu Can you hug me and make me something delicious?

But most of the parties in divorce cases are: they don't talk when they enter the door, they don't like to see where they are, they lose their temper when they find stubble, and they blurt out what hurts people... If you often do such things, please ask yourself: Do you want to turn your home into a garbage dump?

More understanding and consideration

In recent cases, the crux of couples lies in this.

First of all, the plaintiff's wife, 29 years old, full-time wife, takes care of two children at home; the defendant's husband, 30 years old, is a company employee.

Wife sues for divorce because of personality incompatibility, quarrels frequently, husbands always go out early and return late on the grounds of entertainment, never accompany their children and never take care of household affairs;

But husbands always "despise" themselves because they take care of their children at home and do not make money at work. The husband disagreed and thought that there was still feelings, but he insisted that

"I worked hard to earn money to support my family, so that you don't worry about food and clothing, stay at home every day, do whatever you want, that's not enough? How many women are better off than you?

The wife said sadly, "You can't see my efforts and my suffering in the years of marriage;

You don't know why the two children suddenly grow up sensible, you see everything as so natural."

The husband expressed dissatisfaction: "I didn't pay? Did you take care of you? Who gave you the money? Isn't it all my hard-earned upbringing that my children will grow up?

The wife heard the tears and came out: "I have paid so much to this family, you should deny it all, I am determined to divorce."

In this case, the husband always feels, "Don't bring a child at home? How tired can I be? This family is totally my breadwinner..."

After asking, I know that when the wife takes the children at home, she always takes the children to clean the house, wash diapers, wash clothes and cook while the husband is at work.

When the husband comes home, he sees that the ground is always clean, the children are always warm and smiling, and the hot meals and dishes are always on the table... In the husband's mind, he did not know the energy to maintain all this. He even thought that the floor of the house was clean, the food was fragrant, the clothes were washed and put in order, and the children grew up by themselves. In such cases,

, it is suggested that the husband should experience taking care of the children, cooking and washing clothes firsthand;

let him realize that it may be more tired to take a child at home than to go to work.

Only by empathizing with the experience, can we truly understand, care and heartache.

contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is one of the three main reasons leading to divorce between husband and wife. In divorce cases we have seen before, there must be a "Marlboro Man" in the middle of "discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law".

Say a case, plaintiff's wife, 25 years old, new media editor; defendant's husband, 24 years old, a company employee, wife sues for divorce.

The wife said, Judge, I think my husband is the standard pacifier man of "Mama's Big Day"! Listen to her mantra:

"My mother says... / I have to ask my mother... It's not easy for my mother to raise me so big..." The husband said impatiently, "What's wrong with my mother? Can she harm me?"

Many marital contradictions lie in the husband's "foolish filial piety", obedience to mother-in-law, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have contradictions and always blame wife.

There is a husband like this who is the sadness of his wife. If his mother-in-law is no longer a reasonable person, it is a dead end for his wife.

is not only in divorce cases, but also in many married women.

There was a wife who said that she had contradictions with her mother-in-law and complained to her husband. He always said the same thing:

"My mother is not easy to get along with? Whose mother-in-law is not like this? My mother raised me so old. What's wrong with you?

When she hears her husband say these words, she will feel very cold in her heart and feel that she is always an outsider.

There was a divorce case in which the wife once said: "In fact, no matter what my mother-in-law thinks of me, how to treat me, as long as my husband is facing me, I can tolerate it;

But what is the reality? I quarreled with my mother-in-law and reasoned with her. As soon as I had said nothing to my mother-in-law, my husband slapped me in the face and told me to shut up;

There were so many similar things happening that I just wanted to run away from this marriage.

A woman marries a man, all she wants is to depend on him and trust him.

When there is a contradiction between himself and others, even if that person is his mother, he can also make decisions for himself.

If a man can't make his own decisions and only insists on his wife's tolerance and concession without a bottom line, the marriage will not last long.

the first killer of marriage

is the three-view disagreement

According to years of trial experience, the most important criterion for finding a should be three-view consistency. If the three concepts of

are consistent, then the living habits, consumption concepts, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the circle of friends and so on are not problems. In one case, the wife sued for divorce and said that the two were disqualified. For example, the wife liked to watch the news, and the husband said that the news was false. Over time, the wife dislikes her husband's personality.

can feel in court that the wife's disgust with the other party is that the other party, like cockroaches, is trying to get rid of it.

Marriage, getting along well is the most important thing, but the couples who do not see eye to eye live together, they can not quarrel together.

The couples who do not see eye to eye are really tired. They have very different ideas, even when they divorce, they can not explain why. Some people say that cold violence is the most terrible thing in marriage, because it is more depressing than violence.

< strong> But there are three inconsistencies, that is, the first killer who has no common language between husband and wife -

< blockquote>

you like traveling, but he said that spending money to find fault, traveling what is better than playing games at home;

< p> you like reading, but he said what is the use of reading; you like to buy bouquets of flowers and put them at home, but he accused you of dressing up for art;

< p> < p> you teach your daughter dancing, steel and steel. Qin, painting, he said that a girl's family is going to marry anyway, what's the trouble?

Loneliness in marriage is mostly the same. It is difficult to be happy and successful on such a day.

Don't pin your life on a man

There is a divorce case in which the man has sued for divorce for the second time, and the woman strongly disagrees.

The man is in charge of a company. They have been married for more than ten years and the woman has never worked.

The man asked for a divorce and raised his daughter without the woman's alimony; the woman firmly disagreed, on the grounds that

"It was you who married me home and told me not to work. How do I live after divorce? You said you'd keep me for life."

Many women do not understand that the man's "I support you" oath may be valid for a while, but rarely for a lifetime. In a marriage, a woman must have "single strength" and be able to support herself.

because if you want to accept the husband's support, you must focus on his needs in everything;

takes his preferences as the rule, praying that he will not change his mind and leave himself. The essence of

"I raise you" is actually a transaction --

He uses money to buy you young, to buy you laundry and cooking, to buy you filial piety to your parents, to buy you to carry on your ancestry.

and cruelly, he may leave without turning his head at any time.

Without financial ability, once a man leaves, a woman will have nothing. Economic equality is very important in marriage.

Women in marriage must have money, must be able to support themselves, money in marriage can have the right to speak.

Even a truly financially independent woman, when her marriage is on the rocks, she also has the strength to divorce, yes, it's no big deal to live alone.

Marriage, like life, depends on oneself to complete oneself, and only oneself can give oneself a true sense of security.