Sexual initiation and so on - the United States of America's kindergarten and parents how to talk with their children"2016-07-21 03:11:59 325 ℃
The headline number by Yale University graduation, operating in the world's top investment banks. For many years daddy to share scientific parenting knowledge and high quality education resources, only send original articles, welcome to pay attention to.
The pony is me.
Education of the University of Pennsylvania master, now living in the United States, worked in one of the largest in the United States early education institutions of the bright horizon, have solid theoretical foundation and rich practical experience.
(pony, the king was often dad invited, to "Ivy dad" headlines, open column thrice a week and you talk about scientific parenting.
When the baby asked, how can I explain to the child where he came from? What is the age of the so-called age of things, then how to calculate the point to the end? About sex, since the childhood parents always to us a closely guarded secret, so magical knowledge and experience. Now we should how calmly speak to the children listen to?
These parents are too much need to learn, and today, he was talking about the horse, how to talk with the child.
Chat "sex",At the age of 18, it's too late.
Hinder adult chat"nature"The biggest enemyactuallyBe oneself.Many of the adults in the thought of "sex", the picture that emerges in the brain tend to let them play a Jiling. No, this is where I can say with the child? And what they know. Children but with adult has a different way of thinking, accumulation of experience is also completely different, their brains without any reserve about sex, so the earlier children accurate to talk about "sex" are, the more likely they are regard it as a common "information" as view and handle.They would like to know why the birds will fly as excited, and not because of these information"With the"Sex"AllLabel "wicked".
At the age of 0-3
When the child begins to explore the body, in time to teach them some of the "noun""
About children to the age of 2, they began to "sex" interest. They began to appreciate the difference between boys and girls. I found that when I was 1 years old, I found that they were very fond of touching their genitals, and sometimes the little boy's genitals would have an erection.
I guess some parents may be particularly surprised, or in an embarrassing situation. In fact, the correct approach is to smile calmly. If the child is about 2 years old, I will choose to feedback the child's behavior, and began to use very accurate vocabulary. For example, I would say, "you're using your hands to touch the place where you pee. It's called the penis."."The advantage of doing so isGive WayChildrencanClearly understand your attitude towards "sex"- thisIs not a "special" topic,itAnd color, shape, letters as common.
LWhy don't the parents use "chicken" instead of the exact words?
The American Academy of pediatrics,"If adults use some of the fabricated words to describe the child's reproductive organs, it will make the child is not very willing to use accurate words, and the exact words have a negative emotion.At the same time, if the child is familiar with the exact name of the genitals, but also to facilitate the communication with the doctor when sick, better treatment.
Lang Amy, the United States children's education experts to the parents of the open class listed 2 years old children should know the name of the genital: penis (penis); testes (testis); vulva (vulva); vagina (vagina). She pointed out that parents should be natural to let the children know the name of these organs and role, the best way is read with the children the picture, in a more relaxed environment to learn together. Among them, she gave the children of 4-6 recommended books is "It 's Not the Stork"
LIt's important to know what's the place of privacy!
I in the toddler room (1-2 years). It is found that both male or female baby, baby, are particularly fond of the own clothes high lifted, and looked very happy. I saw the teacher's practice is to smile to help the child to pull the clothes, and then to the child said, "No, it" private s "(no, this is privacy). But I observed that this intervention basically has no effect.
I believe that the best way is to parents and children in advance at home and the children of the "family rules" of communication. Such as home and the children say, if only you and mom and Dad, you can dress up. But in kindergarten or outside, don't do that.Because of the clothes.CoverPlace, called the privacy part, is their own, can not be given to others to see.In explain to children, try not to use "shame, shame," "then sprinkle it will beat you!" or something like that, because it will let the children began to hate their bodies, and fear and adult discussion and body related topics.
Kostelnik, M., Gregory, K., Soderman, A., &, Whiren, A. (2011). Children s Guiding development social and learning. Cengage Learning.
The picture shows the definition of "self space" in the "Children Guiding", one of my favorites. On this picture we want to three-dimensional point of view, the internal meaning is the private parts, proximal to melee region is an arm long turn around the region, distal is far from the body region, refers to the areas outside of this region.
Of course, we do not have such a "academic" to the child to instill a "privacy"".about2-3Old child, parents just tell their childrenwhateverWhere the swimsuit cover is a place of privacy. In order to deepen the understanding of these parts of the child, it is suggested that parents can take a bath with his children playing with him, this is the privacy part of it?" The game, for example, you can ask the child "arm" is the privacy part of it? "Knee" is a place of privacy? "Private" is the privacy part of it?
LWhen the child is familiar with what is the "privacy", you have to tell the child "family rules" "
For example, without touching other people's privacy is not allowed. Liao clothes and the like, can be at home, but when the face of other people, we need to cover your body. There is also a particularly crucial message that the child must know:No one has the right to touch your privacy.
This matter, especially in the United States was emphasized. The first thing I do my own training is to do "child abuse prevention" training. The provisions of the law, any early education practitioners, if found any "sexual harassment" phenomenon must immediately alone to 800-4-A-CHILD reporting does not have to be approved by the Dean), submitted to the people without having to bear the burden of proof and preventing child abuse department will be responsible for all of the survey. If the person does not report, is a serious dereliction of duty, the teacher may face jail. Because the domestic regulation in the relevant areas is not so strict, the parents must be repeated for the child to instill the child has the right to say no to all!"
Long-term study found that if children before 3 years old knew he is the owner of the private parts, and said "no" right, greatly reduce the possibility of future sexual assault, and his stock of knowledge will directly to have wild desires of adults have a deterrent force. You need to tell your child that you must tell your parents immediately if you are not allowed to touch it. Parents don't have any blame for him. Don't listen to anyone who's threatening you. If the child said to you, please choose 100% of the trust of the child, do not think that this is a trivial matter, or he is not sensible.You need to let the children know that parents are his most powerful backing, will protect him and support him.
Kendall-Tackett, A. K., Williams, M. L., & Finkelhor, D. (1993). Of sexual on abuse a review and synthesis of recent empirical studies.Psychological bulletin, 113 (1), 164 (). Impact children:.
At the same time you have to give the child a "white list", such as in you is not the case. He can also put these cases, inform those you trust adult (such as grandparents, or you trust friend). I think this thing is particularly important, domestic abuse of sexual assault incidents have occurred from time to time, not only children information inadequate reserves, more important is children without a trusted information output. This trust needs to be raised from a young age.The basis of training is the parents "open" and "healthy" "landChat "sex".
Tell them how to treat yourself and other people's sexual organs.
In exchange with the domestic kindergarten teacher, they told me that the children at this age is very fond of playing a doctor's game, a child will even expose their own sexual organs to other children to see, ask me how to deal with. My first sentence was, "t 'worry too much. Don" (don't worry).
Some parents may be surprised to see this, but I say it, there is a basis for the. The American Academy of Pediatrics says,
Of course, each family has a different understanding of the "sex", and will convey to the children of different values. In kindergarten, I will be in after school, the situation in the classroom to see the situation truthfully tell parents, and give parents some of the development of "family rules" method. For example, if you just look at the child's curiosity about sex organs, I will encourage parents to seize the opportunity to educate, tell them what is the privacy of the site, and the specific name of each organ. If touch the other child organ behavior, I would advise parents to clear at home to tell the children, others touch organ is unsanitary, and tell them because sexual organs is very fragile it is easy to get sick and not just the jabs to the eyes of others like, touch people's sex organs may accidentally can cause harm to others, so it is inappropriate behavior. This kind of communication can be carried out in a very peaceful and pleasant atmosphere without having to make a fuss. Of course I often remind the teacher, if found to have children in the image drawn sexual organs, need to be very alert, because research has found that, which may is the danger signal of children at home by "sexual assault", need timely reporting.
Friedrich, N. Grambsch, W., P., Broughton, D., Kuiper, J., &, Beilke, R., L. Normative (1991). Sexual behavior in children. Pediatrics, 88 (3), 456-464.
Seize the opportunity to calmly talk with the child sex"
Many parents said that if you sit on the sofa really talking to the children of "sex", she also felt very awkward. I would like to say, "sex" is not to teach Chinese mathematics, do not need to focus on the same topic 100%, the most suitable for your approach, may be talking about it at the same time, there is one other thing to happen. For example, you when washing dishes, and let children read a picture book, what's curious, you can wash dishes and give him answer. For example, mother pregnant with second babies, it is the best opportunity! Can let the children listen to the mother's stomach, and answer the question about "where I come from" the world's problems.
When it comes to this problem, I think that children need to know exactly where they come from, not "from the belly" when they are 5 years old. Parents need to be honest and accurate in telling their children the process of making people. You may be particularly not to say, but academic research finds,The sooner the child knows, the less likely they are to be "sick."feelAnd even think this is a particularly good thing, and it will be good for his future marriage..
You can say, "Mom and dad fell in love, with a lot of physical intimacy, including the privacy of the contact. There is a small egg in my mother's belly ". There is one thing in my father's body ". Dad's "sperm" can let the mother's "eggs" in the stomach to grow up, and finally he will become a baby, from the mother's vagina out, he will be your brother / sister. So many animals have babies!"
For children after the age of 5, you need to advance notice to him you want to talk to him". For example, you can say, "baby, tomorrow's mother can accompany you to sleep together? We talk a little quietly."." Children have certain expectations, but also to reduce the embarrassment of talking about time.
How to set boundaries for the kids on those awkward questions?
Work in the kindergarten, and occasionally see the child has "kiss" of the opposite sex lips. At that time, the child's teacher was very harsh on him, "No! Sorry Say to your friend" (not allowed! Fast and your companion apologize. Although I do not agree with this, but at that time, the situation is really difficult for the teacher.
The boundaries here should be completed by parents. In addition to the "private parts" we mentioned before, the "kiss" also has a border. Parents can also tell their children, "kiss" is a kind of expression of love, for example, mom and Dad love you, we want to use a kiss your forehead and cheeks to express this love.
Here also remind parents,If you want to kiss a child, please don't kiss your lips,This will make him feel uncomfortable, may also be to imitate. At the same time parents can clearly tell the child, the other people for "kiss" the idea is not necessarily the same as our family, such as your partner, such as their parents. Direct "kissing" may be an insult to them, or make them uncomfortable. So at home, you can kiss Mom and Dad, but in the kindergarten, in order to avoid trouble, we do not kiss the other children. If you like the little friend, you can do it by hand.
The children at 5-6 years old, in the toilet will have abusive situations. I think the best way is to deal with cold, not to make a fuss. Children will quietly went to the my ear that XXX just said "fuck", I the general practice is said "thank you for let me know. That 's not nice, please do not repeat that word." (thank you told me, this is not very friendly, please do not repeat the words) I do not have too much ignored.Your attitudeCold, can be the mostThe deadline.Reduce childTo swear wordsFrequency of use.
If the child appears repeatedly swearing, I will parents about in the office chat for a while, and not open tyrannised Congress, but suggested that parents noticed usually own words, because children in this age too easy to imitate. If the parents at home to hear the child say bad words, you can talk to him in a timely manner, you just say the word, so I feel very uncomfortable, a lot of people and mom and Dad, heard it will also produce resentment. Please directly express your feelings, for example, you can say I am too angry! So mom and dad can help you better." Please don't in children about swearing humiliation and abuse of children, although this will let the children immediately stop swearing, but he will feel bad boy, turned the heinous crimes, mom and Dad don't love me any more.
A mother once came to ask me, see the child masturbation, very anxious, asked me how to do, should not be involved? I advice to the mother, you can say to him, "baby, mother knows it is a pleasant thing, but this is a very personal thing, at home or a person is can do, but not in public places, because people see will be uncomfortable."
This matter, must be sure that children know what is "privacy", the right thing to do, and why do you think so. In this world there are different religious beliefs, different family values, you when talking to the children must let him understand that this is "our family values", and let him understand why "we are family" will think so.
Write in the end
I hope that parents want to establish a self is the image of the experts, as well as their own on the "sex" is an open and inclusive attitude. You know, the only open to you, in order to let the children are more willing to and you communicate with sexual content, rather than to listen to or watch some unhealthy content. Children have what the "sex" aspects of confusion, should be the first time to ask you instead of hiding from you.
Finally, add a little, you need to tell the child, on the "sex" of the topic, it is best to discuss only in their own home, rather than go to the kindergarten casual propaganda. But you have to be prepared, once the child knows the new information, it will be the first time to share with his friends. If the other parent or teacher give you snitch, you can say "I'm sorry, I have children and said this is our private thing, next time I'll tell him about. At the same time you have to defend yourself, "our family believes that the sooner the children receive this information, they will be able to better protect themselves, and make the best choice." Here I want to give the courage to share the children in the early stage of the parents of the point of praise, not because of other people's mistakes and shaken their right decision.
So, thank you for this article forwarding, let more friends around you in the "of" have and you the same inclusive attitude and right value view, children between communication and interaction can be more healthy, smooth and positive.
Note: often dad is finishing for kindergarten children to seeSex education books listAnd, the children of reading these books, can avoid the embarrassing situation, naturally to teach children the correct sexual knowledge. Over time will push books in public, please continue to focus on. Thank you
- In the previous：Baby sudden stomach bleeding in the grandmother's face, the doctor reminded parents to pay attention to
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