The third school girls have died, and the suicide exposure: Mom, I don't want to be your daughter in my next life.2021-11-24 23:57:02 13 ℃
Hello everyone, I am a mother.
Recently, many people are concerned about a girl who don't know.
The girl is an junior high school in Henan Zhumadian. On October 1, contradictions occurred with students, and I urge to drink hundreds of grass.
Baicard is also known as "regret medicine": After drinking, the body gradually deteriorates but there is no special medicine, which makes people regret it.
Paraphrane can lead to irreversible pulmonary fibrosis, mortality is as high as 99%.
Although the girl was quickly sent to the hospital for treatment, the condition was not improved.
On the fourth day, the girl was dead and the news did not report.
People pray that the miracle appears, but wait for a bad news: the girl has deteriorated, and it has been died.
Such tragedy is a lot.
For a few days ago, a young girl was drinking paraquat, she said in the sui: "Mom, I don't want to be your daughter in my next life."
The reason is that the girl has a countdown first, and the mother is accused by the mother: I am exhausted every day, I will pay for you, you don't want to go home with me, don't waste money, you really let me lose face!
Some people say "The child is too fragile now, and the noisy is to live."
Those who say this have not stood in the perspective of the child. They don't understand: Parent-child conflicts may be small things in their eyes, but in the eyes of the child is a big thing.
A 14-year-old junior high school boys were slammed by the mother and then turned to jump.
A boy has a contradiction between a boy and his family is jumping from the bridge, and it is swallowed by the river in an instant.
Although the case is extreme, but enough to explain the parent-child conflict if it cannot be properly resolved in time, it may cause an unbearable consequence.
How important is the harmonious parent-child relationship?
The parent-child conflict is generally existed. If it is not possible to resolve continuous confrontation, it will seriously affect family relationships and child health growth.
Beijing has conducted a survey of thousands of middle school students and found that more than half of the children were unsatisfactory, dissent or hate parents.
Kids like parents, only 5%!
Psychologist Henney believes that child abnormal behavior begins with an anxiety of the childhood, especially abnormal parent-child relationships.
In a positive parent-child relationship, the child will form a good communication between the parents, and parents can give their children most direct love and encouragement.
In this way, the child is willing to communicate with their parents, parents can better help children know the world, promote the cultivation of creativity, imagination, logical thinking.
Instead, the parent-child relationship will make the child have a strong insecurity, even with fear of family and society, affecting life.
Cultivating a good parent-child relationship, the most critical is to learn the conflict between parent-child.
How to deal with it is correct, how do you make a mistake? Let's take a look at the three stories below, I believe many people can see their shadows from it.
Let's take a look at a common case that happened around us:
Lele doesn't like to eat eggs, he said more than once to your mother "I don't want to eat eggs, I can't do fried eggs tomorrow morning."
Mom said to Lele, "Boy Egg is too oil, not good to the body", mother still insists on cooking eggs.
One day, my mother did three boiled eggs. Lele was unhappy. "I only eat one way?"
Mom blame music, "Don't be affected, I have a hard work".
Lele also played a little child: I have been spit, I would rather hungry to go to school and don't eat eggs.
Mom is very angry: You this white-eyed wolf, I have dinked you every day, what qualifications you have.
The mother and son are dead, no one will retreat.
If you want to resolve conflicts, we must first understand how conflicts happen.
Where is Lele and mother conflict?
Mom is thinking about Lele's body, but I insist on cooking eggs every day, but Coke is not a matter. At first glance, it is a child's mistake, in fact, mom's mistakes.
Lele has its own taste preference, and mother does not respect his preferences, which is also the root of conflict.
Lele has long asked mom to change the boiled egg to a fried egg, and the mother refused directly. It is not trusting.
Lele's opinion is suppressed for a long time, dissatisfied with emotions, has gradually accumulated, and it has been a dispute with my mother.
So, if such a scene seems to know, you can try this next time:
Mom: In fact, my mother doesn't like to boil the egg (with my child's love), but the frying thing is really unhealthy (talking about), then, I will eat the eggs first today, tomorrow mother gives you a chicken egg? (After considering your child's demand, testive communication)
Mom: After that, we eat two fried eggs in a week, and you will eat you. How do you think of eggs at other times? (Selecting the child and reaching a convention).
Parents Ignore the inner demand for children in self-cultivation, and is the root cause of many parent-child conflicts.
The child also has self-esteem, emotions ... If parents are willing to stand in a child's perspective, the child realizes that they are loved, understood, and the conflict will solve.
In addition to common language conflicts, it may be upgraded to limb conflicts when it is more serious.
The little flower is a three-grade student. As long as the small flowers are not obedient, mothers will use violence to solve problems.
One day, flowers concentrate on building blocks, so that my mother read a book flowers, flower head head down, saying, "I want to play with for a while." Mom said, "is not trying to get pounded," left her flowers, continue to bow to building blocks.
Mom kicked one foot building, said to flower "Believe it or I'll give you two hand" flowers red eyes staring angrily mother.
Mother angrily hit two hand flowers, flower mother said, "I hate you."
Flowers and mother also has a representative and universal conflict, their conflict is how to generate it?
Primary or junior high school children in rapid formation of self-consciousness, and then met the parents autocratic, parent-child conflict is inevitable.
Mom flowers to beautify violence in the name of love, but she does not know, so not only no educational value and likely to have a negative psychological impact of flowers.
Easy to see that poor emotional control flowers, bold speculation about the long-term violence suffered by families make flowers form a nervous and irritable character. Like growing up in authoritarian spank a child under the flowers, it is easy to develop a timid, anxious, even-tempered personality.
If Mom flowers a little patience, try this communication, conflict will occur is difficult.
Mom: Why do not you read it? (Ask clear reasons)
Flowers: I want to finish building blocks spell.
Mom: About how long? (Consider the child's needs, try to formulate rules)
Flowers: 15 minutes.
Mom: Good. (To agree on the rules.) Now start the timer for 15 minutes when the alarm goes off, my mother I believe you will sit down at the desk conscious of (believe children)
Children face violence in their parents, will remember hideous face, this violence, what is the point?
If the child does not listen patiently to help children analyze the pros and cons, and then make a choice to let the children to think independently after.
In addition to the common language, physical conflict, there is a common but always neglected conflict - hidden conflict.
Hidden conflict similar to the "cold violence" refers to when the conflict with silence, avoidance, runaways and other forms of coping.
He said the news, Hangzhou, a mother saw her daughter after get off work did homework. Angrily to the children out of the house, the girl was shut out for up to three hours, the neighbors saw the police.
The police came and failed to convince her mother to open the door, the police had no choice but to send their children back to the police station I stayed one night.
From this news, we can see:
Children are not doing their homework, the mother angry and I understand. But rude to send their children out of the house is essentially an escape. If the child next offense, how should I do?
Many parents will let children reflect on error by left out of the way, but this does not solve the problem.
Think about it will do so is not valid:
Mom: Why not do their homework (ask why), my mother would like to know why not blame you (eliminate fear).
Child: I watch TV.
Mom: Watching television is easier than doing their homework (empathy with children), but watching television can not help you consolidate knowledge. Of course, no homework I know you are guilty (to understand children), so be it, you first complete the job (to make up for the error), then we discuss how to change this state (to avoid the next time such an error occurs).
Contradictions between parents and children, parents must take the initiative to communicate with children, to help him introspection. Rather than rejecting dialogue, escape, silence, and even the children out of the house.
How to reduce parent-child conflict?
In real life, diverse and complex conflict, it is difficult to do every time properly. But also from the above case, get some inspiration:
✨ to communicate on an equal footing, the child would be easier to accept.
✨ the child as an independent individual, and then on the right or wrong on the basis of respect for the child.
✨ parents want to take the mentality of trust, to listen to children's ideas.
✨ less command, more than recommended, no one wants to be forced to do something, the children, too.
✨ criticism and education of children, to the sake of discussion, not to destroy the dignity of the child for the purpose.
✨ children do not listen objectively to help children analyze the pros and cons, let the children take the initiative to accept your opinion.
✨ when necessary, parents should lay down their authority, the courage to admit their mistakes.
✨ initiative to communicate with their children, so that children understand what went wrong and consequences, so that children introspection.
Summed up in one sentence, nothing more than: bend over and listen to the child's heart, on their point of view to consider the issue.
"The causes of conflict have ten thousand kinds of reasons, the root cause is nothing less than" love and freedom "words. "
How to express love to children is a science, this road is not good to go, but there are shortcuts - from the heart to recognize the independence of the personality of the child, equal exchange on the basis of the child's admission.
If you think you are doing well, you do not have anxiety.
Because past conflicts, will become valuable experience in childcare road.
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